i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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