Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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