don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize