I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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