But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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