Welp...herpes.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I forget how to act sober
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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