I'm gonna have a badass scar
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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