Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I'm getting married
To pizza
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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