I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
