Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Can I color on your dick again?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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