I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
