He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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