People in love make me want to vomit
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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