dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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