My nipple is on Facebook.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
