shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
