i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
