Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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