i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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