Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
