guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
