just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Randomize
