I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
