woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
