She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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