is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Alive.
So much puke
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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