dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
