When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
