first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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