hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize