fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So here I am, sexting at work.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
