Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
