Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
