i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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