I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
