i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize