come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
