I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
