just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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