Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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