he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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