We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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