i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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