hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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