I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
