Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
