Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
