somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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