Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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