Please, let me fuck your mom
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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