Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
