no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize