i already hear my dad disowning me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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