I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
