I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
