Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
