i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
