Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
