Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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