Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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