Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
